Movie Rules

04Mar09

When I was taking some writing classes years ago, including screen writing, I also took some courses in film analysis and criticism. Ever since then my movie watching experience has involved analysis of things going on beyond the story. That is, certain patterns, cliches and repeating events have become evident. So I’ve decided to make note of some of these Movie Rules. Like any rules there are exceptions but in general terms the following apply more often than not.

Grease Monkey Rule

When a man has grease on his face a woman will soon touch his face. And if she is wearing white she will kiss him and not get dirty.

Law of Minor Accidents

Where a character has a minor accident near the beginning of the film that character will be the victim in a life threatening situation but will not be killed if the minor accident was due to his own clumsiness.

Law of Military Genius

The most intelligent/humane character in any military situation will either die or go insane, even temporarily.

The Law of Self-Indulgent Wealth

Wherever an ostentatiously rich man appears he will be involved in shady business activity. Wherever an ostentatiously rich woman appears she will be unfaithful to her husband. Neither will spend money on anything other than themselves.

Law of Eccentric Benevolence

This is somewhat related to the previous. Wherever a rich person does give money to help others they will be portrayed as eccentric if not mad. Any other sort of giving behavior will always involve an audience.

The Bed Skirt Rule

When a woman with a tight skirt on lies down on a bed a man will stand at the foot of the bed and he will have previously revealed unpleasant character traits. The man will not be the woman’s husband but either a boyfriend or relative.  This is also applicable to couches but with less frequency. Variations include the picnic blanket and the beach towel.

The Tribal Oral Imbibation Rule

When any tribal people appear there will be at least one shot of some of them engaged in some activity of oral imbibation such as eating, drinking or smoking.

The Stoned Villain rule

Villains always alter their states of consciousness with either alcohol or drugs.

The Law of the Human Appliance

a) No currently replaceable body part, by transplant or artificial means, is ever portrayed as having any special power.

b) Where parts become replaceable in reality they fall out of favor with movie makers.

Law of Extreme Latitudes

There will either be a wise-man mentor or a madman loner in any remote place like the tundra, jungle, desert or dense forest.

Table Cloths Rule

Wherever a male and female encounter one another in a restaurant with white tablecloths they will likely become lovers.

Law of the Female Decoration

Wherever there is clear water, particularly if it is blue, including at a pool, beach, fountain, waterfall, fish tank, pitcher or even large glass of water a female with large breasts wearing something very form fitting or revealing will soon appear in such a way that she becomes part of the set decoration.

Ok so these are the things I have noticed so far. Actually it was several years ago that I wrote these things out and only just found them as I was going through some old papers. I think there are a lot more of these “Laws” that could be delineated and if I come up with a few more I’ll put them here as well.

So what have you noticed in film?

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Tags: Criticism, Film, Popular Culture, Psychology